How to Be and Get Dream Partners for Success: Secret #14 Don't Give Up

“Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” Thomas Alva Edison. My father-in-law had a dream. He talked about this dream a lot. He would go back in his mind remembering when the dream was still alive. He would tell of how close he got to his dream with a slight memory smile on his face. Then, when he got to the part of the story where he decided to give up on his dream, his face and voice took on the sadness of incredible regret. He would justify his decision; of course, telling and retelling why he felt that he had to give up on his dream.

My father-in-law gave up on his dream because the he was too afraid to take a risk. He was afraid to have faith in himself. His dream would have required him to learn new things, take a pay cut for a while and there was no guarantee that he would have been successful. So, he stayed in his comfort zone and gave up on his dream. But, he died with that regret.

You will regret it if you give up on your dream.

The only people who fail are the ones that either give up or don’t learn from their mistakes. Giving up insures that you won’t get to your dream. There may be no guarantee that you will achieve your dream and become successful if you try. But, there is a 100% chance that you won’t get there when you give up. Giving up is choosing failure.

You don’t have to have an ‘all or nothing’ proposition when it comes to your dream. In fact, it’s not wise to throw the old away before you have an established new. My father-in-law could have kept his day job. Then he could have taken some classes, and then apprenticed part time, then worked both jobs, then moved completely over to the new career. You can do that too.
What would it look like for you to begin to incorporate your dream into your life? Imagine yourself for a moment working toward your dream without giving up the present state. How would your day be different? How would it make you feel?

Don’t let your fear keep you from moving toward your dream. You don’t have to give up the baby with the bathwater. What small thing can you do to keep your dream alive?

How to Be and Get Dream Partners for Success: Secret #13 Be Patient with Yourself

"Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections but instantly set about remedying them - every day begin the task anew." Saint Francis de Sales. Do you struggle with patience with yourself? I know that I do. I want things to happen NOW. Maybe it's my American need for immediate gratification that fuels my impatience for success. Everything else around us is fast, why can't our success come as quickly?

When you work toward your dream, you are planting a seed. In order for that seed to bear fruit it first needs to die. When you plant the seed of your dream, certain things also need to die; your failure mindset, your doubts, your fears, and your impatience, to name a few.

In order for a plant to grow and bear fruit, the seed changes into something completely different by interacting with the soil, sun, and the rainwater. It grows healthy, slowly but steadily with the right inputs. Your dream efforts are like tending the soil, watering and giving your dream the light it needs to flourish. Your inputs are daily activities that move you toward your dream.

It would seem ridiculous for us to plant a seed in the ground and then expect the next day or even the next week to be able to eat fruit from the plant. The same is true of your dream. You are not a failure because you have not made $ 1million dollars in 3 months on the internet. The people who claim to have done that are not just exceptions, they are RARE exceptions. Here is what it takes to really make it: Work hard, serve well, solve problems, be helpful, reach out and you will be successful. It will take time and lots of inputs, but don't give up on yourself. Truly those who give up are the only failures. "Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish." John Quincy Adams

What can you do to be more patient with yourself today? Take stock in your accomplishments. Create a list of what you have been able to do that is moving you toward your dream. Ask your dream partner to help you with this list, and then do the same for them. You may not have made $1 million, but who's life have you enriched? What help have you offered? How has your product or service blessed someone? If you are not already part of a support group of accountability partners, join one. They will help you stay on track.

If you are working toward your dream, you will get there. Be patient!

How to Be and Get Dream Partners for Success: Secret #12 Embrace your Uniqueness

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” Dr. Suess. My 12 year old daughter Noelle has a confidence about her that is unprecedented for her age. She decided that Fridays would be crazy high sock and converse tennis shoe day. She tried to solicit her friends to go along with her in this notion, but, they bailed on the idea and left her the only one in school wearing loud high socks and converse tennis shoes that first Friday of 7th grade. One popular kid came up to her and made a snide remark about her crazy look. Noelle simply told her that she must have missed the memo on how cool crazy socks and converse tennis shoes were, and walked away. The girl was stunned and even appeared embarrassed that her attempt to demean Noelle had failed. Noelle still wears crazy high socks and converse tennis shoes on Fridays. Some days she’s the only one, but no one gives her attitude about it.

When I was in school, there was so much pressure to be, act, talk and look like everyone else. I was so afraid that my uniqueness would not be accepted or loved. I did not share Noelle’s confidence in my uniqueness. Can you relate to that feeling, even today?

Your uniqueness is your power. It’s a combination of the gifts and talents, passions and values that are yours and yours alone. Learning how to harness your uniqueness is one of the true secrets of success. Encouraging others to embrace their uniqueness is an important job of the dream partner.

Ask yourselves these questions to get at your uniqueness factor: What do I offer that is special? What do people tell me that I bring to the table? What makes you most excited? Where do you get your energy? Look at both skills and talents when answering these questions. A talent is something that you are born with, and a skill is something that you learn. There is often a connection. I enjoy playing an instrument, (a skill) because it comes naturally for me, (a talent).

There may be hundreds of people doing what your dream would have you do. But only you will do it like you do. Communicating your uniqueness will help people to see you as different, better than the hundreds of others doing what you do. Embrace your uniqueness.

How to Be and Get Dream Partners for Success: Secret #11 Inspire Confidence

"A good leader inspires others with confidence in him; a great leader inspires them with confidence in themselves." Unknown. Have you ever seen someone else's greatness, but they just can't see it themselves?

My mom was a well known and respected real estate broker and business owner a few decades back. She was really really good at selling homes. When I was fresh out of college, my job was to be a real estate trainer for her real estate agency. I didn't know the first thing about real estate so I would follow my mother around and observe her in action. She was masterful. I was able to see her quickly pick up if there was a glimmer of excitement in a buyers eye when they walked into a house, or if they had no interest. If she detected a spark, she would walk into the room and stand at the exact angle that would show the room off in its best light. Then, she would begin placing their furniture in the room. "Oh, wouldn't your grand piano look wonderful in that corner? And can you see your large family portrait over that lovely fireplace? She knew how to emotionally engage her customer in the house that she knew was their house. She was a pro.

The odd thing was, she had no idea that she was doing any of that. I pointed it out and she would giggle and say; "I guess I do do that!" When you use your gifts and talents in a way that only you can, you are in a high performing zone. You may feel like you are in a zone, but you many not know why or even what you are doing to be there.

The key is, if you know what you are doing to be in that zone, then you can put yourself in the zone more often and on purpose.

If you want to be a dream partner for someone, give them the gift of pointing out their greatness when you see it. Let them know what you are impressed with about them, how they do things in a way that no one else can. It will inspire confidence that will propel them forward. Also, when someone points out something that you do that impresses them, take it in. It's important data for you to actually know your greatness. Not just that you have talent and gifts in a certain area, but exactly what you do that demonstrates them.

Take stock in your greatness today AND inspire confidence by pointing out someone else's greatness. Here’s a step to take in that direction. Call up your closest dream partner and ask them these questions:

What do you see me bringing to the table? What have you observed that I do that is really helpful, great, or unique? What do I do that I should do more often? THEN, do the same for them!

How to Be and Get Dream Partners for Success: Secret #10 Ask Great Questions

"Questions are diamonds you hold in the light. Study a lifetime and you see different colors from the same jewel. The same questions, asked again, bring you just the answers you need just the minute you need them." Richard Bach. Ask great questions.

If you truly want to be a dream partner, you will ask the hard questions; the deep questions. The questions that will move someone off the dime, get them moving, help them see something in a new and challenging way. Don't just ask what is your challenge? Ask how does that challenge impact your life? How does it get in your way? What is the cost of not fixing that challenge? Be the friend that tells the truth.

Asking the right questions in the right order can move mountains. What is the right order? Think of it as an onion. The outer layer is the basic question; What is your primary frustration? The next layer is about barriers; How does that get in your way? The next layer is emotional; How does that make you feel? The next is about cost: What do you lose by not fixing that problem? And the finally, ask: What are you willing to do about it? It is important to help people feel the pain first or they won't find the motivation within themselves to change.

As a dream partner, it is your job to move your partner forward. No one changes without having the pain of the present state being worse than the fear of the future. So, if you really want to help your partner, ask the tough questions.

Asking a question is only half the battle. Listening is just as important. Just being there to hear your dream partner answer the questions is huge. Then help them see the light. Whatever you do, don't leave them sitting with the pain. Help them see what one thing that they can do to move them self forward. So the next great question is; What is one thing you can do today that helps you feel more empowered? What is one thing that can move your forward? And then encourage them to take that step.

What is the one step that you can take to move forward?

How to Be and Get Dream Partners for Success: Secret #9 Give of Yourself

"We must give more in order to get more. It is the generous giving of ourselves that produces the generous harvest." Orison Swett Marden. Giving of yourself not only benefits others, it benefits you. Not only do you feel good because you have helped others, but you have deposited something in the other person's emotional bank account. Giving is good for your self esteem, your health, your overall well being and it makes you more likable. Paul Wiener sums it up nicely: "But few have spoken of the actual pleasure derived from giving to someone, from creating something, from finishing a task, from offering unexpected help almost invisibly and anonymously."

Do you want to partner with selfish people? I know I don't. In this 'what's in it for me' culture, many people are out of touch with the powerful principle of generosity. I meet a lot of women networking for the Redwood Sisterhood and I can tell right away when people are just wanting to see what they can get from the membership free. I can tell by the kinds of questions that they ask that they are not right for our community. They just want to take, take, take and never contribute anything for what they expect to receive. We live in an era of entitlement and it can make us distastefully selfish.

Don't you want to surround yourself with people who have a generosity of spirit about them? Be generous with your time, money, gifts and talents and you will cause generous people to want to come along side you. Dream partners are your cheerleaders, challengers, helpers and truth tellers. They become your unpaid sales force. But, you have to earn it. Just like the biblical principle of sowing and reaping, your actions determine the actions of others around you. Sow seeds of generosity and you will reap generous relationships. What would happen to this world if instead of asking 'what's in it for me?' people began to ask 'how can I help you?'

How to Be and Get Dream Partners for Success: Secret #8 Have a Clear Vision

"Without leaps of imagination, or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning." Gloria Steinem. Begin with a clear vision. Imagine yourself completely leading the ideal successful life. Here is my special exercise to help you get there.

Ten Minute Writing Exercise - Your Ideal Future Vision by Patty Sadallah

If you think you don't know what you want for the future, think again. Your subconscious knows more than you think. Ten minutes, a pen and a paper will act as a crystal ball for your ideal future in five years. Print these instructions do the exercise and then share your future surprises. It's fun and it works!

This is a nonstop writing exercise. The key to having this work is that you write NONSTOP for ten minutes. It is a stream of consciousness exercise that will awaken the creative right side of your brain. If you 'think' too much, it will NOT work. No one will read what you write, unless you want them too, of course. So, don't be self conscious about the letter itself.

When you are ready, put on an alarm for ten minutes. You will be writing a letter to someone that would be interested and supportive of your accomplishments. The letter will have a beginning, middle and end. Here are the steps of the exercise. You may want to print them so you can glance at them while you are doing the exercise.

Date the letter today's date. 5 years into the future. Dear.. (Whoever you want. This should be a person who knows what you are working on, but, isn't involved in it every day.)

2. You are writing about your ideal future day. It will have a Beginning, Middle and an End.

3. Beginning: Wake up and using all of your senses, notice what you see, smell, taste, touch and hear. This will awaken the creative side of your brain. Are you living in a new place? Driving a new car? Drinking coffee? New lover, more kids? Etc.

4. Middle: Next, you have your ideal day. What are you doing? Who's with you? Where are you? Are there special technologies that you see? A new place? New people? How do you KNOW that this is ideal? What is satisfying about it? Next, someone comes up to you and congratulates you on your amazing life and accomplishments. You thank them and they ask you "What was the biggest thing that you had to overcome to get to this point?" You answer them.

5. End: Then end your day with a celebration. You can celebrate any way you want, with anyone you want. This is just a fun way to close down the exercise.

I use this exercise in groups as well when I'm doing organizational strategic planning. People do the exercises together and then we talk about the common themes and patterns to create a common organizational vision. It works like a charm.

If you want help processing this exercise, email Patty and I'd be happy to help you with it.