How to Be and Get Dream Partners for Success: Secret #18 Mentor Adoption

"We can help a person to be himself by our own willingness to steep ourselves temporarily in his world, in his private feelings and experiences. By our affirmation of the person as he is, we give him support and strength to take the next step in his own growth." Clark Moustakas . I struggled for months trying to learn the deep dark secrets of internet marketing. I had been a consultant and a coach for 28 years, but had always gotten my business by old school methods. When I started the Redwood Sisterhood, the only thing new to me was internet marketing. That’s all. That was enough. I didn’t know what I didn’t know and was quickly overwhelmed by the learning curves. I started ‘guru hopping’. Taking this class and that one, trying to learn what I needed to learn. It was confusing, frustrating and time consuming.

I prayed to be adopted by a guru. I even sent out a post to some of the guru’s that I had been learning from asking them to adopt me, please. I needed someone to show me what they knew and to save me from some of the growing pains. I wanted my learning to be cut short by their wisdom and experience. It took a long time to find someone to adopt me.

I did finally find the support that I needed and it really did leap frog me into a new level. Through this experience I learned something really important. The secret to leap-frogging to success is to grab onto the ankles of a mentor and hang on for dear life as they fly above, taking you to the next level.

Seek someone who has more experience and who knows more than you in your field. Get close to them, learn what they know, do what they do and then make it yours. Mike and David have helped me tremendously. I am still learning from them daily and I am grateful.

Get the attention of someone that you need help from who is at a level of success that is higher than yours and ask for their help. Get close enough that they feel invested in your success. Mentorship is not one way. Your success is a reflection on their success, so they will want to help you succeed. Your testimonials will boost their success and their help will boost yours.

But, once you have reached a new level, it’s your turn to be a mentor for someone else. That’s what it means to be a dream partner. It’s a beautiful success circle.

If you are tired of guru hopping and would like to be adopted by a mentor, I would love to be your dream partner. Start by going to http://www.PattySadallah.com/sq . Let’s leap frog together in 2010!

How to Be and Get Dream Partners for Success: Secret #17 Write Conversationally

Write from the soul, not from some notion what you think the marketplace wants. The market is fickle; the soul is eternal. Jeffrey A. Carver. When I was a kid writing was such a big deal. Teachers taught a formal style of writing that was so intimidating. You were supposed to use big words so you would sound intelligent. I was OK at writing as a kid, but I really didn’t like it. Writing for me was a skill to rely on, a necessary evil. Most of the people I encounter will define themselves as bad writers because they see themselves as those 6th grade kids who hated writing. Was writing hard you as a kid? Is it hard for you now?

Writing is a big part of the job. If you want people to get to know you, you have to write. Blogs, newsletters, emails, they are all part of what it takes to get your story, your brand and your message out into the world.

Do you want to know the secret of writing today? Write conversationally, from your heart, to just one person. You talk all day without getting yourself all whipped up into a frenzy. Effective copy writing is just talking on paper.

OK, so there are a couple of steps and exercises that will help you with this:

First, who are you writing to? You may want thousands of people to read your blog, but it has to feel like it is being written to each one personally. So, who are you writing to? Think about the person who is an exact personification of your ideal customer? Could it be your best friend, your mother, your cousin or a co-worker? Or is she a 50 year old technophobic boomer-preneur? Or a smart dressed 25 year old savvy business owner? Do you have your target person in mind?

OK, now that you have that person in mind, just talk to them. If one person asked you a question about the subject you were writing about, how would you answer them? Write a couple of points that you want to make as bullets and just start speaking from them out loud. Type as you talk. Write from your heart. That’s how your true authenticity will show.

One thing that I have done is actually record myself talking on a subject and then I transcribe what I have said. Or take notes of what you are saying as you talk. One free way to practice this is to go to http://www.freeconferencecall.com/ and set up a conference call with just you. Talk in your subject and then an mp3 of the call will be sent to you by email. This is a quick and easy way to create your first audio product as well!

If you don’t have a blog or a newsletter you should. So, don’t let a fear of writing stop you. A simple template for an effective blog or newsletter post is: a: relate the reader, b: provide a helpful tip, and c: call them to a specific action. Telling stories is a simple way to relate to your reader. Your helpful tips should be simple and easy to understand. Ask people to take a step in the direction of your blog topic. That’s all there is too it.

You are a good writer. Now get out there and write something!

How to Be and Get Dream Partners for Success: Secret #16 Get Support

“I’m afraid that sometimes you’ll play lonely games too. Games you can’t win ’cause you’ll play against you.” — Dr. Seuss. Have you ever enthusiastically shared your dream with someone only to be met with rolling eyes, a discouraging comment, or even a laugh? It hurts when someone shoots down your dream. My parents were always supportive and encouraging about our dreams. I was lucky that way. But, I run into people all the time that have had so many years of people in their lives telling them they can’t do this, or shouldn’t try that. Has anyone ever responded to your dream prop0sal with a;”Are you kidding? You would fail for sure!”
Those messages from others become part of us. They go deep down into our psyche and take root as doubts and fears. It’s hard enough to keep a dream alive without this kind of discouraging messaging making it worse.

To counteract the damaging effects of negative messengers, you need to find at least one person (a whole group would be ideal) that will give you encouraging support. That’s truly at the core of what a dream partner is; someone who will see your capability, not what you have done, but what you can do, and encourage you along that path.

Here are some ground rules for supporting someone in their dream: Listen and ask clarifying questions. Resist jumping in to offer feedback before you have heard the whole story. Help them to see all angles of their situation, both opportunities and obstacles. When obstacles are identified, help them to find the solutions, rather on dwelling too much on the negative. Remind them of their gifts; help them to use their gifts at all times.

I know what you are thinking; sometimes the big dream may be out of reach. I think about all of those American Idol contestants that really can’t sing making fools of themselves on the TV. If you are a real supportive dream partner, you will always tell the truth in a loving way, but never dash a person’s dream. Help them to see a reachable way to use their gifts, talents and passions. A dream is there for a reason, so fan the flames whenever possible.

When you create a support system around you that will challenge you, and encourage you in your gifts, you will find that you will not only feel more empowered, but, even YOU will expect more of yourself.

How to Be and Get Dream Partners for Success: Secret #15 Be Humble

"Humility is the quality that will enable you and others to enjoy your success." Charlie Tremendous Jones. I know this person that loves to boast. I'm sure you know someone like her too. She's always bragging about how much money she has or the car that she drives. She'll tell you how talented she is and no one is as good as her at this or that. Think for a moment about your last encounter with someone like that.

OK, now imagine that you are standing on a teeter totter. You are balancing in the middle. Every time that person loads up one side of the teeter totter with self praise, you automatically step to other side so you don't fall off. When she loads that side with yes' about herself, you load the other side with no's so you don't fall off. That's the natural human reaction to someone who is self praising.

"Talent is God-given; be humble. Fame is man-given; be thankful. Conceit is self-given; be careful." John Wooden. To be humble is not a weakness. It is strength to be gracious at all time. To be humble means that you are comfortable enough with your strengths and your weaknesses to let other people speak on your behalf. The wonderful thing about humility is that it allows people to see us as who we are, not who we try to be. It is an essential part of being authentic. Make sure that your humility is sincere though. A phony humble person that fishes for compliments looks just as bad as a braggart. So sincerity is key.

Too much self pride is unbecoming. Let your customers say how great you are. Testimonials from sincere, satisfied customers will go miles farther than self praise. When someone else testifies to my helpfulness... well then, maybe it's worth paying attention to. Testimonials are free and they are gold. The secret is to ask for them. When someone says, 'Wow, that was fantastic. That really helped me." That's your cue to say thanks and ask them if they would write you a quick email to that effect, or Ask: "Do you mind if I share that statement on my website"? Put those one sentence quotes on your Linkdin profile, or your website and let those testimonials help you gain credibility.

Ask three people for whom you know you have been helpful, or who can speak to your character to write you one sentence. Ask them what you bring to the table, or what they value most about what you do, or how you are most helpful to them. Then, make sure to post those quotes in prominent places.

Let your satisfied customers toot your horn. Eat a piece of humble pie and and watch how it endears people to you. (I bet you wondered why there was a picture of a pie on this post. LOL)

How to Be and Get Dream Partners for Success: Secret #14 Don't Give Up

“Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” Thomas Alva Edison. My father-in-law had a dream. He talked about this dream a lot. He would go back in his mind remembering when the dream was still alive. He would tell of how close he got to his dream with a slight memory smile on his face. Then, when he got to the part of the story where he decided to give up on his dream, his face and voice took on the sadness of incredible regret. He would justify his decision; of course, telling and retelling why he felt that he had to give up on his dream.

My father-in-law gave up on his dream because the he was too afraid to take a risk. He was afraid to have faith in himself. His dream would have required him to learn new things, take a pay cut for a while and there was no guarantee that he would have been successful. So, he stayed in his comfort zone and gave up on his dream. But, he died with that regret.

You will regret it if you give up on your dream.

The only people who fail are the ones that either give up or don’t learn from their mistakes. Giving up insures that you won’t get to your dream. There may be no guarantee that you will achieve your dream and become successful if you try. But, there is a 100% chance that you won’t get there when you give up. Giving up is choosing failure.

You don’t have to have an ‘all or nothing’ proposition when it comes to your dream. In fact, it’s not wise to throw the old away before you have an established new. My father-in-law could have kept his day job. Then he could have taken some classes, and then apprenticed part time, then worked both jobs, then moved completely over to the new career. You can do that too.
What would it look like for you to begin to incorporate your dream into your life? Imagine yourself for a moment working toward your dream without giving up the present state. How would your day be different? How would it make you feel?

Don’t let your fear keep you from moving toward your dream. You don’t have to give up the baby with the bathwater. What small thing can you do to keep your dream alive?

How to Be and Get Dream Partners for Success: Secret #13 Be Patient with Yourself

"Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections but instantly set about remedying them - every day begin the task anew." Saint Francis de Sales. Do you struggle with patience with yourself? I know that I do. I want things to happen NOW. Maybe it's my American need for immediate gratification that fuels my impatience for success. Everything else around us is fast, why can't our success come as quickly?

When you work toward your dream, you are planting a seed. In order for that seed to bear fruit it first needs to die. When you plant the seed of your dream, certain things also need to die; your failure mindset, your doubts, your fears, and your impatience, to name a few.

In order for a plant to grow and bear fruit, the seed changes into something completely different by interacting with the soil, sun, and the rainwater. It grows healthy, slowly but steadily with the right inputs. Your dream efforts are like tending the soil, watering and giving your dream the light it needs to flourish. Your inputs are daily activities that move you toward your dream.

It would seem ridiculous for us to plant a seed in the ground and then expect the next day or even the next week to be able to eat fruit from the plant. The same is true of your dream. You are not a failure because you have not made $ 1million dollars in 3 months on the internet. The people who claim to have done that are not just exceptions, they are RARE exceptions. Here is what it takes to really make it: Work hard, serve well, solve problems, be helpful, reach out and you will be successful. It will take time and lots of inputs, but don't give up on yourself. Truly those who give up are the only failures. "Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish." John Quincy Adams

What can you do to be more patient with yourself today? Take stock in your accomplishments. Create a list of what you have been able to do that is moving you toward your dream. Ask your dream partner to help you with this list, and then do the same for them. You may not have made $1 million, but who's life have you enriched? What help have you offered? How has your product or service blessed someone? If you are not already part of a support group of accountability partners, join one. They will help you stay on track.

If you are working toward your dream, you will get there. Be patient!

How to Be and Get Dream Partners for Success: Secret #12 Embrace your Uniqueness

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” Dr. Suess. My 12 year old daughter Noelle has a confidence about her that is unprecedented for her age. She decided that Fridays would be crazy high sock and converse tennis shoe day. She tried to solicit her friends to go along with her in this notion, but, they bailed on the idea and left her the only one in school wearing loud high socks and converse tennis shoes that first Friday of 7th grade. One popular kid came up to her and made a snide remark about her crazy look. Noelle simply told her that she must have missed the memo on how cool crazy socks and converse tennis shoes were, and walked away. The girl was stunned and even appeared embarrassed that her attempt to demean Noelle had failed. Noelle still wears crazy high socks and converse tennis shoes on Fridays. Some days she’s the only one, but no one gives her attitude about it.

When I was in school, there was so much pressure to be, act, talk and look like everyone else. I was so afraid that my uniqueness would not be accepted or loved. I did not share Noelle’s confidence in my uniqueness. Can you relate to that feeling, even today?

Your uniqueness is your power. It’s a combination of the gifts and talents, passions and values that are yours and yours alone. Learning how to harness your uniqueness is one of the true secrets of success. Encouraging others to embrace their uniqueness is an important job of the dream partner.

Ask yourselves these questions to get at your uniqueness factor: What do I offer that is special? What do people tell me that I bring to the table? What makes you most excited? Where do you get your energy? Look at both skills and talents when answering these questions. A talent is something that you are born with, and a skill is something that you learn. There is often a connection. I enjoy playing an instrument, (a skill) because it comes naturally for me, (a talent).

There may be hundreds of people doing what your dream would have you do. But only you will do it like you do. Communicating your uniqueness will help people to see you as different, better than the hundreds of others doing what you do. Embrace your uniqueness.