Practice Strategic Listening

“Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force...When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand. Ideas actually begin to grow within us and come to life...When we listen to people there is an alternating current, and this recharges us so that we never get tired of each other...and it is this little creative fountain inside us that begins to spring and cast up new thoughts and unexpected laughter and wisdom. ...Well, it is when people really listen to us, with quiet fascinated attention, that the little fountain begins to work again, to accelerate in the most surprising way.” Brenda Ueland

Twelve to fourteen years ago, I was part of a major collaborative project. We were trying to get 24 individual nonprofit agencies to become one integrated system of services. It was a survival intervention. These small nonprofits were losing their funding and they needed support and an infrastructure to stay alive, so linking them together to make them stronger was the plan. People were afraid and resistant to say the least. The project was listening boot camp for me. I think I learned more about listening in those two years than I had my entire life up to that point.

Did you know that you learn more about yourself by listening to others, if you really try? If you aren’t careful, you can miss the best stuff. Here are some of the things that I learned from that experience:

People hear what they want to hear. We all have a way of filtering out the stuff we don’t want to hear, or just missing the parts that are not familiar to us. One of the strategic marketing assignments that we gave the leaders of the small nonprofits was to go out into their communities and interview key stakeholders. They were supposed to ask a few questions. What is your biggest frustration? What service that doesn’t exist now, would you pay to see developed? And how are we doing and how can we improve our services to you? Do you know what happened? In nearly every case, the leader came back with the message ‘We are OK and they want us to do what we do already’. Really? Seriously? We did some more training, sent them out again and this time they heard some different messages. Those second round interviews lead to the development of 84 new services and $5.4 million in new service revenue. Were the answers different the second time? Probably not. The leaders just heard them the second time.

It takes multiple washings. You may have heard this old trainer’s adage: Tell your audience what you're going to tell them. Tell them your message. Then tell them what you told them. If it’s bad news, then repeat. You may need to send your message 7 or more times for people to hear it. The tougher the news, the more often and the clearer you need to send the message. So, if it takes multiple washings to send a message, it’s going to take multiple washings to hear a message too. Ask them to tell you again, paraphrase to make sure you heard them carefully.

People fill in the blanks with worse than the truth. Truly listen and respond to fears and concerns. If you don’t know something, saying you don’t know but you will find out is a more comforting message than leaving people to their own assumptions. The biggest mistake you can make is to not address a fear that you hear. Meeting people where they are validates that you are listening. You can’t move someone forward without meeting them where they are first.

People will like you if you listen to them. Liking is a key principle in persuasion. People tend to do things for people that they like that they won’t do for people that they don’t like. When you truly listen to someone you are relating to them. Relating makes you more likable.

"It is the province of knowledge to speak, and it is the privilege of wisdom to listen." Oliver Wendell Holmes. Practice strategic listening.

Contagious Enthusiasm

“Enthusiasm is the yeast that makes your hopes shine to the stars. Enthusiasm is the sparkle in your eyes, the swing in your gait: The grip of your hand, the irresistible surge of will and energy to execute your ideas. : Henry Ford. Last week, I visited my mom in a rehab nursing facility. She’s recovering there from a hip replacement surgery. There was a man playing piano in the activities room and he was fantastic. But, there was someone there that made me smile even more than the piano man. She was dancing with the biggest beam on her face, remembering. She was also in a wheelchair. She was moving her feet and gliding that wheelchair dancing circles around all of the other spectators in that room. You could tell that she was in a magnificent place and time in her mind. The whole room was uplifted by her. Her happiness was contagious.

That beautiful lady made me think about how we should be about our dreams. Are you contagiously excited, hopeful, happy, determined and noticeable about your dream? Maia Beatty calls that kind of enthusiasm ‘powerful presence’. It’s when a person’s presence grabs your attention in a powerful and positive way.

Having contagious enthusiasm not only blesses the people around you, but it blesses you. Norman Vincent Peale says of enthusiasm; “Life's blows cannot break a person whose spirit is warmed at the fire of enthusiasm. If you have zest and enthusiasm you attract zest and enthusiasm. Life does give back in kind.”

People with contagious enthusiasm filter life through the ‘can do’ lens, not the ‘can’t do’ lens. They don’t define themselves by their limitations, but instead stretch themselves to reach their wildest dreams. Perhaps one of the very best examples of this is the example of Nick Vujicic. He has no arms or legs and it hasn’t stopped him in the least. Check out his inspirational story http://bit.ly/aGJesF.

Do you inspire people with your enthusiastic can do attitude? Do you make people want more of what you have because you are so positive and optimistic? Be absolutely contagiously enthusiastic and watch what happens around you!

The Power of Incubation

“Learn to pause, or nothing worthwhile will catch up to you.” -Doug King. Have you ever worked so hard on something or thought so much about it that you felt nearly paralyzed? I have. It can feel like the momentum is sucked right out of you. In cases like that, I know it’s time to step back and let the power of incubation take over.

When we work things too hard using our left brain, or more logical side, we can stifle our right, more creative side of our brain. So, when you feel stuck, tired, or like you are losing some steam, step away from your work and let it incubate. Stop thinking about it, adjourn your meeting for a later date, and take a shower, a nap or a jog. Allow your mind to think about other things. This wakes up the creative part of your brain to begin working on it when you aren’t even aware.

Sometimes the solution comes when you least expect it. Have you ever had a dream where the solution is right there? Or how about you’re driving down the road and you see a sign or site that clicks something in gear for you? That’s the power of incubation. Don’t lose those opportunities. That’s your brain’s way of telling you that it’s time to get back to it. Wake up or pull over and take some notes. Don’t lose that opportunity if you can help it.

There are also ways to keep you from getting stuck in the first place. One of the biggest culprits is to expect too much from a single meeting or thinking episode. To expect a team, for example, to come up with a new idea and figure out how it should be implemented in one sitting is asking for a meltdown. Chunk your work into manageable bites so that you can make steady progress. When working on mission statements, for example. I always ask the teams to get the gist of the mission down, then we purposefully step back, let it incubate and edit for eloquence at another meeting. Having a break from it clears your mind and helps you think about it again with fresh eyes. ‘Muddy water is best cleared by leaving it alone. – Alan Watts.

I regularly design incubation into my consulting and coaching process. Pace out your work and allow it to have a steady amount of energy. Remember that greatness takes time. “There is a moment of conception and a moment of birth, but between them, there is a long period of gestation.” Jonas Salk. So, let your ideas incubate, your brilliance is waiting!

Fail Fabulously

“Failures are finger posts on the road to achievement.” C. S. Lewis. Did you make any mistakes today? Who doesn’t? We are imperfect people living in an imperfect world. Do you realize that failure is really only failure if you don’t learn something from it? With the right mindset, you can go through your entire life without ever really failing.

If things came too easy for you, you would never be challenged to improve? Thomas Edison didn’t fail 1,000 times when he was trying to invent the incandescent light bulb; he found 1,000 ways that it didn’t work, which ultimately lead him to the one way that did work. And, he never gave up!

If you try something and it doesn’t work out exactly as you had hoped, step back and ask yourself a few questions: What did work about it? Was there something it achieved that maybe wasn’t your ultimate goal, but moved you in a forward direction? What did you learn when you tried it? By learning what your customer’s don’t want, did you get a bit clearer about what they do want?

Maybe it wasn’t the idea that was the problem, but the target audience wasn’t the right match for the strategy. Maybe you didn’t give the idea enough time. Just because something doesn’t work overnight doesn’t mean that it won’t work. So, don’t abandon ideas too quickly. Give them time to see if they will work.

“There was a journey in being an entrepreneur. “It was about going through failure and bouncing back. Are you going to bounce back and take the chance to go to bat again, or let this failure stop you? If you look at all of the ultimate success stories, both personally and professionally, they all had to bounce back at one time or another.” says Nicholas Hall, CEO of Start-upFailure.com. Failure is part of the success journey. You simply cannot have success without the learnings that come from failure. They are interchangeable.

How big of a risk should you take in trying something for which you may fail? In his book The Empowered Manager, Peter Block writes about 'non-suicidal courageous acts'. The goal is to take reasonable risks, not commit suicide. Those are risk-taking behaviors that are related to facing harsh realities, admitting our own contribution to the problem, and being authentic in the face of disapproval. Courageous people are not socially or politically suicidal or homicidal. You don't need to be extreme to be brave.

Weigh the risks, don’t give up and make sure you learn from your mistakes. You are bound to make mistakes, everyone does. Learn from them and allow them to propel you forward. Fail fabulously!

Testimonials as a Powerful Promotional Strategy

“Testimonials represent the most powerful, productive and profitable promotional strategy I have ever encountered. Stop looking for a magic bullet recipe that will attract clients or advance your career. "Instead, hone your craft, develop your expertise or build your skills to such an extent that clients and colleagues will brag about you and your value." Michael Hughes. Testimonials are free and they are gold. If I were to go on and on about how great I am, I bet you would roll your eyes. Somehow when we toot our own horn, it's a bit off putting to people. But, when someone else testifies to my helpfulness... well then, maybe it's worth paying attention to.

The secret is to ask for them. When someone says; ‘Wow that was fantastic. That really helped me." That's your cue to say thanks and ask them if they would write you a quick email to that effect, or Ask: "Do you mind if I share that statement on my website"? Put those one sentence quotes on your LinkedIn profile, or your website and let those testimonials help you gain credibility.

Ask three people for whom you know you have been helpful, or who can speak to your character to write you one sentence. Ask them what you bring to the table, or what they value most about what you do, or how you are most helpful to them. Then, ASK them for permission to use the quote in your marketing. Post those quotes in prominent places.

Asking for permission is the key. One of my pet peeves is when I see testimonial quotes on a website that end without a real name like Kathy P from Topeka, or housewife from NJ. I immediately assume that the quote is made up. People who are unwilling to have their names be connected with your success are not worthy testimonials.

Here are some opportunities to gain testimonials. Training evaluations are nearly always anonymous. But, you could have a question at the end that says, if you are willing to share your comment as a testimonial, please indicate your name here. When people comment on your newsletter or blog, reply with a request to share the comment on your website. Or simply email your satisfied customers and ask them to write a sentence or two about your service to be included in your promotional materials or websites.

If you get a lot of ‘no’s’ to those requests, it’s time to take stock in your service or product value. If you are delivering high quality service, people will be happy to endorse you. Ask people why they are uncomfortable endorsing you and make adjustments according to their feedback. Once I had a person ask me for a testimonial and I told them why I was uncomfortable giving one. They listened to that feedback and made a great effort to change my opinion. About 6 months later, when my experience had been improved, I did write an endorsement letter. So, you can use this strategy to get valuable feedback about your service as well.

Testimonials will inspire confidence in others to work with you. So, ask for them today.