How to Be and Get Dream Partners for Success: Secret #10 Ask Great Questions

"Questions are diamonds you hold in the light. Study a lifetime and you see different colors from the same jewel. The same questions, asked again, bring you just the answers you need just the minute you need them." Richard Bach. Ask great questions.

If you truly want to be a dream partner, you will ask the hard questions; the deep questions. The questions that will move someone off the dime, get them moving, help them see something in a new and challenging way. Don't just ask what is your challenge? Ask how does that challenge impact your life? How does it get in your way? What is the cost of not fixing that challenge? Be the friend that tells the truth.

Asking the right questions in the right order can move mountains. What is the right order? Think of it as an onion. The outer layer is the basic question; What is your primary frustration? The next layer is about barriers; How does that get in your way? The next layer is emotional; How does that make you feel? The next is about cost: What do you lose by not fixing that problem? And the finally, ask: What are you willing to do about it? It is important to help people feel the pain first or they won't find the motivation within themselves to change.

As a dream partner, it is your job to move your partner forward. No one changes without having the pain of the present state being worse than the fear of the future. So, if you really want to help your partner, ask the tough questions.

Asking a question is only half the battle. Listening is just as important. Just being there to hear your dream partner answer the questions is huge. Then help them see the light. Whatever you do, don't leave them sitting with the pain. Help them see what one thing that they can do to move them self forward. So the next great question is; What is one thing you can do today that helps you feel more empowered? What is one thing that can move your forward? And then encourage them to take that step.

What is the one step that you can take to move forward?

How to Be and Get Dream Partners for Success: Secret #9 Give of Yourself

"We must give more in order to get more. It is the generous giving of ourselves that produces the generous harvest." Orison Swett Marden. Giving of yourself not only benefits others, it benefits you. Not only do you feel good because you have helped others, but you have deposited something in the other person's emotional bank account. Giving is good for your self esteem, your health, your overall well being and it makes you more likable. Paul Wiener sums it up nicely: "But few have spoken of the actual pleasure derived from giving to someone, from creating something, from finishing a task, from offering unexpected help almost invisibly and anonymously."

Do you want to partner with selfish people? I know I don't. In this 'what's in it for me' culture, many people are out of touch with the powerful principle of generosity. I meet a lot of women networking for the Redwood Sisterhood and I can tell right away when people are just wanting to see what they can get from the membership free. I can tell by the kinds of questions that they ask that they are not right for our community. They just want to take, take, take and never contribute anything for what they expect to receive. We live in an era of entitlement and it can make us distastefully selfish.

Don't you want to surround yourself with people who have a generosity of spirit about them? Be generous with your time, money, gifts and talents and you will cause generous people to want to come along side you. Dream partners are your cheerleaders, challengers, helpers and truth tellers. They become your unpaid sales force. But, you have to earn it. Just like the biblical principle of sowing and reaping, your actions determine the actions of others around you. Sow seeds of generosity and you will reap generous relationships. What would happen to this world if instead of asking 'what's in it for me?' people began to ask 'how can I help you?'

How to Be and Get Dream Partners for Success: Secret #8 Have a Clear Vision

"Without leaps of imagination, or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning." Gloria Steinem. Begin with a clear vision. Imagine yourself completely leading the ideal successful life. Here is my special exercise to help you get there.

Ten Minute Writing Exercise - Your Ideal Future Vision by Patty Sadallah

If you think you don't know what you want for the future, think again. Your subconscious knows more than you think. Ten minutes, a pen and a paper will act as a crystal ball for your ideal future in five years. Print these instructions do the exercise and then share your future surprises. It's fun and it works!

This is a nonstop writing exercise. The key to having this work is that you write NONSTOP for ten minutes. It is a stream of consciousness exercise that will awaken the creative right side of your brain. If you 'think' too much, it will NOT work. No one will read what you write, unless you want them too, of course. So, don't be self conscious about the letter itself.

When you are ready, put on an alarm for ten minutes. You will be writing a letter to someone that would be interested and supportive of your accomplishments. The letter will have a beginning, middle and end. Here are the steps of the exercise. You may want to print them so you can glance at them while you are doing the exercise.

Date the letter today's date. 5 years into the future. Dear.. (Whoever you want. This should be a person who knows what you are working on, but, isn't involved in it every day.)

2. You are writing about your ideal future day. It will have a Beginning, Middle and an End.

3. Beginning: Wake up and using all of your senses, notice what you see, smell, taste, touch and hear. This will awaken the creative side of your brain. Are you living in a new place? Driving a new car? Drinking coffee? New lover, more kids? Etc.

4. Middle: Next, you have your ideal day. What are you doing? Who's with you? Where are you? Are there special technologies that you see? A new place? New people? How do you KNOW that this is ideal? What is satisfying about it? Next, someone comes up to you and congratulates you on your amazing life and accomplishments. You thank them and they ask you "What was the biggest thing that you had to overcome to get to this point?" You answer them.

5. End: Then end your day with a celebration. You can celebrate any way you want, with anyone you want. This is just a fun way to close down the exercise.

I use this exercise in groups as well when I'm doing organizational strategic planning. People do the exercises together and then we talk about the common themes and patterns to create a common organizational vision. It works like a charm.

If you want help processing this exercise, email Patty and I'd be happy to help you with it.

How to Be and Get Dream Partners for Success: Secret #7 Face your Fears

"I gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which I must stop and look fear in the face... I say to myself, I've lived through this and can take the next thing that comes along...We must do the things we think we cannot do." Eleanor Roosevelt. There is plenty to be fearful about in this world today; sickness, the economy, global realities. Facing your fears is not the same as succumbing to them. To face your fears is to acknowledge them, take stock of them, grieve and analyze them, but never let them beat you. If you allow them, your fears will decrease your motivation, cause you to panic and maybe even paralyze you from acting at all. People will not want to partner with you or help you to succeed if they think that you are overcome by your fears. Why jump on a sinking ship?

Here are three things you can do today to face your fears. Ask yourself these questions: 1. How much of what I fear is inside and outside of my control? Write them on two columns. You may not have control over what will happen with your job, but you do have options to consider if that happens. You can't impact the 'outside your control' list, so spending too much emotional time there is unproductive. Acknowledge the column and then change your focus to the 'inside' list. Remember that your attitude is always in the 'inside' my control column. It may be hard, but look for that silver lining when things seem to be going badly. Try to make the 'inside my control' list longer than the 'outside of your control' list.

2. Is there a hidden opportunity in this fearful situation? Perhaps a book can be written, a course created, a product to help people going through the same thing can be produced. Every challenging situation is a learning opportunity. So, don't miss the opportunities because you are allowing yourself to be paralyzed by fears. When I think back on times in my life when something was happening that seemed so horrible in the moment, something better was right around the corner. It may be difficult to see that possibility now, but it's there if you look for it.

3. Will joining forces with someone else help both of you weather the storm? Now more than ever, it's time to find dream partners for success. Going it alone in this economy will only make your journey more difficult. Connect with trustworthy colleagues. Reach out your hand to help them and let them help you. Have an encouraging attitude and work through these questions together. There is synergy in collaboration.

Honor your fears, but don't let them take you down. If you are looking for dream partners, check out the Redwood Sisterhood. We are there to help you succeed especially through the scary times. What is one thing you can do to impact your circumstance today? Take that step.

How to Be and Get Dream Partners for Success: Secret #6 Promote your Values

"When you achieve complete congruence between your values and your goals, like a hand in a glove, you feel strong, happy, healthy, and fully integrated as a person. You develop a kind of courage that makes you completely unafraid to make decisions and take action. Your whole life improves when you begin living your life by the values that you most admire."Brian Tracy. Let people know who you are by communicating your values. Allow them to become the guiding values of your goals in work and life. Integrate them into everything that you do and then watch the power that will come into your life.

Here is an exercise that our mini mastermind did just last week: Brainstorm a list of values that are really important to you. Then, prioritize the top three that really guide your life and work. Look at those three values and begin to see ways to communicate them to your customers and potential dream partners. Weave them into your website copy, email copy, blog posts, facebook,linkedin and twitter posts. Talk about them in conversations with co-workers, customers and colleagues. Soon, people will see you as these values and want to connect with you because of them.

This is the reason for this series on dream partners. I want to share, through these posts, who I am and who I am looking for to be part of the Redwood Sisterhood. I hope that you will check out our community if you have something of value to share with women and are in need of high quality dream partners to become your support system and word of mouth sales force. :)

How to Be and Get Dream Partners for Success: Secret #5 See Opportunities not Obstacles

"A pessimist is one who makes difficulties of his opportunities and an optimist is one who makes opportunities of his difficulties." ~Harry Truman. Before opening the Redwood Sisterhood, I was in a job that I didn't enjoy. I was not challenged and wasn't really using my gifts and talents to my satisfaction. But, that job was a gift to me in so many ways. It gave me the opportunity to really take stock in my dreams. So, I left that job and opened the Redwood Sisterhood.

It hasn't been easy to have a new business in this economy. But, even the challenges and the many learning curves of a new venture have been opportunities. Technical glitches that felt devastating in the moment, were actually opportunities to fine tune the process and improve the customers' experience. I believe that if things are too easy, there is a danger in slipping into mediocrity. Every obstacle is an opportunity to learn something and improve.

If you want to be a good dream partner for someone else and want to attract dream partners for yourself, put on the lens of opportunity. When a partner comes along and is devastated by a problem or challenge, be the one who helps them see the silver lining. Pull them out of the negative place so that they can begin to climb out into the light of opportunity. Hopefully, you will be modeling that behavior for them too, so that when you are in a dark place, they can do the same for you. In every tough situation, pause and ask; What can I learn here? How can this challenge lead me to an opportunity?

How to be and get dream partners for success: Secret #4 Think Big http://bit.ly/xpW0Z