Do you Rescue or Empower?

Tissue alert for this clip from the movie Ray, about a young and newly blind Ray Charles and a mother that knew that he needed to work things out for himself. Tough love like hers is not easy, but it’s so much more empowering for the receiver than rescuing would have been.

Are you a rescuer? Do you step in sometimes and rescue your clients? Do you do things for them that they really should learn to do for themselves? It sure can be a difficult trap sometimes. Maybe it’s not your clients, but your subordinates for which you tend to do this.

I was in a meeting today and the topic of ‘people pleasing disorder’ popped up in conversation. You want the client to like you so you do things for them that they really should learn how to do for themselves. Or, maybe you are too impatient to teach the client what they need to do. After all, it’s so much easier for you to do it yourself, right?

When we create a dependence on us or our services, we really aren’t helping our clients, co-workers or subordinates. Ken Blanchard describes this phenomenon as the ‘monkey on your back’. When the client or co-worker or subordinate constantly asks you to handle things, fix things, or think through the problem because they know that you will solve it for them, Blanchard says that you willingly accept their monkey on your back.

Now, think about this behavior becoming a pattern in your life. Soon you are caring and feeding a zoo full of monkeys. And, then you will begin to resent others for ‘making’ you deal with their problems or jobs. Taking on other people’s monkeys is a choice.

When Ray’s mom chose to quietly and tearfully let Ray find his own way, she gave him the gift of self-confidence, empowerment and self care skills that were no doubt a defining moment in his remarkable life.

Do you have any monkeys on your back that need to be given back to their rightful owners? Choose empowerment if you really want to help people.