How to Be and Get Dream Partners for Success: Secret #10 Ask Great Questions

"Questions are diamonds you hold in the light. Study a lifetime and you see different colors from the same jewel. The same questions, asked again, bring you just the answers you need just the minute you need them." Richard Bach. Ask great questions.

If you truly want to be a dream partner, you will ask the hard questions; the deep questions. The questions that will move someone off the dime, get them moving, help them see something in a new and challenging way. Don't just ask what is your challenge? Ask how does that challenge impact your life? How does it get in your way? What is the cost of not fixing that challenge? Be the friend that tells the truth.

Asking the right questions in the right order can move mountains. What is the right order? Think of it as an onion. The outer layer is the basic question; What is your primary frustration? The next layer is about barriers; How does that get in your way? The next layer is emotional; How does that make you feel? The next is about cost: What do you lose by not fixing that problem? And the finally, ask: What are you willing to do about it? It is important to help people feel the pain first or they won't find the motivation within themselves to change.

As a dream partner, it is your job to move your partner forward. No one changes without having the pain of the present state being worse than the fear of the future. So, if you really want to help your partner, ask the tough questions.

Asking a question is only half the battle. Listening is just as important. Just being there to hear your dream partner answer the questions is huge. Then help them see the light. Whatever you do, don't leave them sitting with the pain. Help them see what one thing that they can do to move them self forward. So the next great question is; What is one thing you can do today that helps you feel more empowered? What is one thing that can move your forward? And then encourage them to take that step.

What is the one step that you can take to move forward?

How to Be and Get Dream Partners for Success: Secret #9 Give of Yourself

"We must give more in order to get more. It is the generous giving of ourselves that produces the generous harvest." Orison Swett Marden. Giving of yourself not only benefits others, it benefits you. Not only do you feel good because you have helped others, but you have deposited something in the other person's emotional bank account. Giving is good for your self esteem, your health, your overall well being and it makes you more likable. Paul Wiener sums it up nicely: "But few have spoken of the actual pleasure derived from giving to someone, from creating something, from finishing a task, from offering unexpected help almost invisibly and anonymously."

Do you want to partner with selfish people? I know I don't. In this 'what's in it for me' culture, many people are out of touch with the powerful principle of generosity. I meet a lot of women networking for the Redwood Sisterhood and I can tell right away when people are just wanting to see what they can get from the membership free. I can tell by the kinds of questions that they ask that they are not right for our community. They just want to take, take, take and never contribute anything for what they expect to receive. We live in an era of entitlement and it can make us distastefully selfish.

Don't you want to surround yourself with people who have a generosity of spirit about them? Be generous with your time, money, gifts and talents and you will cause generous people to want to come along side you. Dream partners are your cheerleaders, challengers, helpers and truth tellers. They become your unpaid sales force. But, you have to earn it. Just like the biblical principle of sowing and reaping, your actions determine the actions of others around you. Sow seeds of generosity and you will reap generous relationships. What would happen to this world if instead of asking 'what's in it for me?' people began to ask 'how can I help you?'

How to Be and Get Dream Partners for Success: Secret #8 Have a Clear Vision

"Without leaps of imagination, or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning." Gloria Steinem. Begin with a clear vision. Imagine yourself completely leading the ideal successful life. Here is my special exercise to help you get there.

Ten Minute Writing Exercise - Your Ideal Future Vision by Patty Sadallah

If you think you don't know what you want for the future, think again. Your subconscious knows more than you think. Ten minutes, a pen and a paper will act as a crystal ball for your ideal future in five years. Print these instructions do the exercise and then share your future surprises. It's fun and it works!

This is a nonstop writing exercise. The key to having this work is that you write NONSTOP for ten minutes. It is a stream of consciousness exercise that will awaken the creative right side of your brain. If you 'think' too much, it will NOT work. No one will read what you write, unless you want them too, of course. So, don't be self conscious about the letter itself.

When you are ready, put on an alarm for ten minutes. You will be writing a letter to someone that would be interested and supportive of your accomplishments. The letter will have a beginning, middle and end. Here are the steps of the exercise. You may want to print them so you can glance at them while you are doing the exercise.

Date the letter today's date. 5 years into the future. Dear.. (Whoever you want. This should be a person who knows what you are working on, but, isn't involved in it every day.)

2. You are writing about your ideal future day. It will have a Beginning, Middle and an End.

3. Beginning: Wake up and using all of your senses, notice what you see, smell, taste, touch and hear. This will awaken the creative side of your brain. Are you living in a new place? Driving a new car? Drinking coffee? New lover, more kids? Etc.

4. Middle: Next, you have your ideal day. What are you doing? Who's with you? Where are you? Are there special technologies that you see? A new place? New people? How do you KNOW that this is ideal? What is satisfying about it? Next, someone comes up to you and congratulates you on your amazing life and accomplishments. You thank them and they ask you "What was the biggest thing that you had to overcome to get to this point?" You answer them.

5. End: Then end your day with a celebration. You can celebrate any way you want, with anyone you want. This is just a fun way to close down the exercise.

I use this exercise in groups as well when I'm doing organizational strategic planning. People do the exercises together and then we talk about the common themes and patterns to create a common organizational vision. It works like a charm.

If you want help processing this exercise, email Patty and I'd be happy to help you with it.