How to Be and Get Dream Partners for Success: Secret #20 Serve Selflessly

“Only those who have learned the power of sincere and selfless contribution experience life's deepest joy: true fulfillment.” Tony Robbins. We all serve in some fashion. But, have you noticed that some people serve better than others. They serve with more sincerity, with more willingness, while others seem to be serving out of some selfish motive. What a turn off. By way of analogy, let’s look at the worldviews of the dog and the cat.

Let’s look at the world through the eyes of a dog for a moment: The dog observes that the owner feeds, cares and loves him. Therefore, he presumes, the owner must be god, his master, the boss. The dog seeks to please his owner. The dog works for the owner.

Now the cat, on the other hand also notices that the owner feeds, cares and loves him. The cat concludes that HE must be god, the master and the boss. The cat wants the owner to please him. The owner, in a sense, is the staff of the cat. The cat considers that the owner is supposed to serve him, that he is entitled to this care.

Do you look at your service like a dog or a cat?

Sometimes in our desperation to get enough sales to make a living, we forget that our focus should be on serving well, not on making money. When your focus is on making money, you shift into cat mode. If you are not careful, your communication to the customers can be more about you than about them. Customers don’t like that, and they can sense when motives aren’t pure. Most likely, your customers will pass on to others that they were not pleased with your service, and you will lose money.

When your focus is on service, you jump into dog mode. Your attention shifts to the customer and their needs, and you become a people pleaser. The more you serve and seek to please, the happier your customers will be. These customers are more likely to spread the word about you and your service, which will lead to more customers for you to serve. Happy customers lead to more money.

Do you have a service that you want to provide to more and more people? Do you know that your service can really make a difference in someone’s life? Put on the lens of a dog and serve selflessly.

How to Be and Get Dream Partners for Success: Secret #19 Stop Wishing and Start Believing.

“Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe.” Gail Devers. I have been wrestling with this post for weeks. I’m not really sure why, but I have set about to write it 3 posts ago, and I am finally putting this out there. This one may make you squirm. Stop wishing and start believing.

Wishing is for little girls in pigtails. Wishing is in the fantasy realm and believing is in the action realm. Wishers talk about their dream, but it stays so stagnant that it grows cobwebs. They just don’t believe it enough to take it out of their head and into action. Have you met someone like that? I ran into someone at a holiday party who I had talked with about her dream some months back. I asked her what she had done to move toward her dream since I spoke to her last... “Well, I’ve ‘thought’ about it a lot”, was her answer. That’s a wisher, not a dreamer.

Believing is for achievers. Believing requires you to, as Beth Moore puts it, ‘elasticize your faith until it has stretch marks’. Believers take that leap of faith that is so scary, so challenging that it makes their heart beat hard and their palms sweat. You know you are a believer when you become a doer. “You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith.” Mary Manin Morrissey

Faith and belief, vision, hard work, determination and dedication...those are action words. Stretching yourself will unleash unstoppable power that will propel you toward your dream. Do you want the head and heart rush of that unstoppable power? I don’t know any dream that wouldn’t take you to a new place, but it’s never easy. You have to be willing to step outside of your comfort zone to get there.

What one thing can you DO today that will move your dream to the believe column? Register a domain name for a new business? Call a potential partner and set up a meeting? Record an audio product? Draft the outline for a book? Fill in your blank here.

Start believing and get going. And, as Mike Litman loves to say…”You don’t have to get it right, you just have to get it going.” But, you DO have to get it going if you want to dream to be more than a wish.

How to Be and Get Dream Partners for Success: Secret #18 Mentor Adoption

"We can help a person to be himself by our own willingness to steep ourselves temporarily in his world, in his private feelings and experiences. By our affirmation of the person as he is, we give him support and strength to take the next step in his own growth." Clark Moustakas . I struggled for months trying to learn the deep dark secrets of internet marketing. I had been a consultant and a coach for 28 years, but had always gotten my business by old school methods. When I started the Redwood Sisterhood, the only thing new to me was internet marketing. That’s all. That was enough. I didn’t know what I didn’t know and was quickly overwhelmed by the learning curves. I started ‘guru hopping’. Taking this class and that one, trying to learn what I needed to learn. It was confusing, frustrating and time consuming.

I prayed to be adopted by a guru. I even sent out a post to some of the guru’s that I had been learning from asking them to adopt me, please. I needed someone to show me what they knew and to save me from some of the growing pains. I wanted my learning to be cut short by their wisdom and experience. It took a long time to find someone to adopt me.

I did finally find the support that I needed and it really did leap frog me into a new level. Through this experience I learned something really important. The secret to leap-frogging to success is to grab onto the ankles of a mentor and hang on for dear life as they fly above, taking you to the next level.

Seek someone who has more experience and who knows more than you in your field. Get close to them, learn what they know, do what they do and then make it yours. Mike and David have helped me tremendously. I am still learning from them daily and I am grateful.

Get the attention of someone that you need help from who is at a level of success that is higher than yours and ask for their help. Get close enough that they feel invested in your success. Mentorship is not one way. Your success is a reflection on their success, so they will want to help you succeed. Your testimonials will boost their success and their help will boost yours.

But, once you have reached a new level, it’s your turn to be a mentor for someone else. That’s what it means to be a dream partner. It’s a beautiful success circle.

If you are tired of guru hopping and would like to be adopted by a mentor, I would love to be your dream partner. Start by going to http://www.PattySadallah.com/sq . Let’s leap frog together in 2010!

How to Be and Get Dream Partners for Success: Secret #17 Write Conversationally

Write from the soul, not from some notion what you think the marketplace wants. The market is fickle; the soul is eternal. Jeffrey A. Carver. When I was a kid writing was such a big deal. Teachers taught a formal style of writing that was so intimidating. You were supposed to use big words so you would sound intelligent. I was OK at writing as a kid, but I really didn’t like it. Writing for me was a skill to rely on, a necessary evil. Most of the people I encounter will define themselves as bad writers because they see themselves as those 6th grade kids who hated writing. Was writing hard you as a kid? Is it hard for you now?

Writing is a big part of the job. If you want people to get to know you, you have to write. Blogs, newsletters, emails, they are all part of what it takes to get your story, your brand and your message out into the world.

Do you want to know the secret of writing today? Write conversationally, from your heart, to just one person. You talk all day without getting yourself all whipped up into a frenzy. Effective copy writing is just talking on paper.

OK, so there are a couple of steps and exercises that will help you with this:

First, who are you writing to? You may want thousands of people to read your blog, but it has to feel like it is being written to each one personally. So, who are you writing to? Think about the person who is an exact personification of your ideal customer? Could it be your best friend, your mother, your cousin or a co-worker? Or is she a 50 year old technophobic boomer-preneur? Or a smart dressed 25 year old savvy business owner? Do you have your target person in mind?

OK, now that you have that person in mind, just talk to them. If one person asked you a question about the subject you were writing about, how would you answer them? Write a couple of points that you want to make as bullets and just start speaking from them out loud. Type as you talk. Write from your heart. That’s how your true authenticity will show.

One thing that I have done is actually record myself talking on a subject and then I transcribe what I have said. Or take notes of what you are saying as you talk. One free way to practice this is to go to http://www.freeconferencecall.com/ and set up a conference call with just you. Talk in your subject and then an mp3 of the call will be sent to you by email. This is a quick and easy way to create your first audio product as well!

If you don’t have a blog or a newsletter you should. So, don’t let a fear of writing stop you. A simple template for an effective blog or newsletter post is: a: relate the reader, b: provide a helpful tip, and c: call them to a specific action. Telling stories is a simple way to relate to your reader. Your helpful tips should be simple and easy to understand. Ask people to take a step in the direction of your blog topic. That’s all there is too it.

You are a good writer. Now get out there and write something!

How to Be and Get Dream Partners for Success: Secret #16 Get Support

“I’m afraid that sometimes you’ll play lonely games too. Games you can’t win ’cause you’ll play against you.” — Dr. Seuss. Have you ever enthusiastically shared your dream with someone only to be met with rolling eyes, a discouraging comment, or even a laugh? It hurts when someone shoots down your dream. My parents were always supportive and encouraging about our dreams. I was lucky that way. But, I run into people all the time that have had so many years of people in their lives telling them they can’t do this, or shouldn’t try that. Has anyone ever responded to your dream prop0sal with a;”Are you kidding? You would fail for sure!”
Those messages from others become part of us. They go deep down into our psyche and take root as doubts and fears. It’s hard enough to keep a dream alive without this kind of discouraging messaging making it worse.

To counteract the damaging effects of negative messengers, you need to find at least one person (a whole group would be ideal) that will give you encouraging support. That’s truly at the core of what a dream partner is; someone who will see your capability, not what you have done, but what you can do, and encourage you along that path.

Here are some ground rules for supporting someone in their dream: Listen and ask clarifying questions. Resist jumping in to offer feedback before you have heard the whole story. Help them to see all angles of their situation, both opportunities and obstacles. When obstacles are identified, help them to find the solutions, rather on dwelling too much on the negative. Remind them of their gifts; help them to use their gifts at all times.

I know what you are thinking; sometimes the big dream may be out of reach. I think about all of those American Idol contestants that really can’t sing making fools of themselves on the TV. If you are a real supportive dream partner, you will always tell the truth in a loving way, but never dash a person’s dream. Help them to see a reachable way to use their gifts, talents and passions. A dream is there for a reason, so fan the flames whenever possible.

When you create a support system around you that will challenge you, and encourage you in your gifts, you will find that you will not only feel more empowered, but, even YOU will expect more of yourself.

How to Be and Get Dream Partners for Success: Secret #15 Be Humble

"Humility is the quality that will enable you and others to enjoy your success." Charlie Tremendous Jones. I know this person that loves to boast. I'm sure you know someone like her too. She's always bragging about how much money she has or the car that she drives. She'll tell you how talented she is and no one is as good as her at this or that. Think for a moment about your last encounter with someone like that.

OK, now imagine that you are standing on a teeter totter. You are balancing in the middle. Every time that person loads up one side of the teeter totter with self praise, you automatically step to other side so you don't fall off. When she loads that side with yes' about herself, you load the other side with no's so you don't fall off. That's the natural human reaction to someone who is self praising.

"Talent is God-given; be humble. Fame is man-given; be thankful. Conceit is self-given; be careful." John Wooden. To be humble is not a weakness. It is strength to be gracious at all time. To be humble means that you are comfortable enough with your strengths and your weaknesses to let other people speak on your behalf. The wonderful thing about humility is that it allows people to see us as who we are, not who we try to be. It is an essential part of being authentic. Make sure that your humility is sincere though. A phony humble person that fishes for compliments looks just as bad as a braggart. So sincerity is key.

Too much self pride is unbecoming. Let your customers say how great you are. Testimonials from sincere, satisfied customers will go miles farther than self praise. When someone else testifies to my helpfulness... well then, maybe it's worth paying attention to. Testimonials are free and they are gold. The secret is to ask for them. When someone says, 'Wow, that was fantastic. That really helped me." That's your cue to say thanks and ask them if they would write you a quick email to that effect, or Ask: "Do you mind if I share that statement on my website"? Put those one sentence quotes on your Linkdin profile, or your website and let those testimonials help you gain credibility.

Ask three people for whom you know you have been helpful, or who can speak to your character to write you one sentence. Ask them what you bring to the table, or what they value most about what you do, or how you are most helpful to them. Then, make sure to post those quotes in prominent places.

Let your satisfied customers toot your horn. Eat a piece of humble pie and and watch how it endears people to you. (I bet you wondered why there was a picture of a pie on this post. LOL)

How to Be and Get Dream Partners for Success: Secret #14 Don't Give Up

“Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” Thomas Alva Edison. My father-in-law had a dream. He talked about this dream a lot. He would go back in his mind remembering when the dream was still alive. He would tell of how close he got to his dream with a slight memory smile on his face. Then, when he got to the part of the story where he decided to give up on his dream, his face and voice took on the sadness of incredible regret. He would justify his decision; of course, telling and retelling why he felt that he had to give up on his dream.

My father-in-law gave up on his dream because the he was too afraid to take a risk. He was afraid to have faith in himself. His dream would have required him to learn new things, take a pay cut for a while and there was no guarantee that he would have been successful. So, he stayed in his comfort zone and gave up on his dream. But, he died with that regret.

You will regret it if you give up on your dream.

The only people who fail are the ones that either give up or don’t learn from their mistakes. Giving up insures that you won’t get to your dream. There may be no guarantee that you will achieve your dream and become successful if you try. But, there is a 100% chance that you won’t get there when you give up. Giving up is choosing failure.

You don’t have to have an ‘all or nothing’ proposition when it comes to your dream. In fact, it’s not wise to throw the old away before you have an established new. My father-in-law could have kept his day job. Then he could have taken some classes, and then apprenticed part time, then worked both jobs, then moved completely over to the new career. You can do that too.
What would it look like for you to begin to incorporate your dream into your life? Imagine yourself for a moment working toward your dream without giving up the present state. How would your day be different? How would it make you feel?

Don’t let your fear keep you from moving toward your dream. You don’t have to give up the baby with the bathwater. What small thing can you do to keep your dream alive?

How to Be and Get Dream Partners for Success: Secret #13 Be Patient with Yourself

"Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections but instantly set about remedying them - every day begin the task anew." Saint Francis de Sales. Do you struggle with patience with yourself? I know that I do. I want things to happen NOW. Maybe it's my American need for immediate gratification that fuels my impatience for success. Everything else around us is fast, why can't our success come as quickly?

When you work toward your dream, you are planting a seed. In order for that seed to bear fruit it first needs to die. When you plant the seed of your dream, certain things also need to die; your failure mindset, your doubts, your fears, and your impatience, to name a few.

In order for a plant to grow and bear fruit, the seed changes into something completely different by interacting with the soil, sun, and the rainwater. It grows healthy, slowly but steadily with the right inputs. Your dream efforts are like tending the soil, watering and giving your dream the light it needs to flourish. Your inputs are daily activities that move you toward your dream.

It would seem ridiculous for us to plant a seed in the ground and then expect the next day or even the next week to be able to eat fruit from the plant. The same is true of your dream. You are not a failure because you have not made $ 1million dollars in 3 months on the internet. The people who claim to have done that are not just exceptions, they are RARE exceptions. Here is what it takes to really make it: Work hard, serve well, solve problems, be helpful, reach out and you will be successful. It will take time and lots of inputs, but don't give up on yourself. Truly those who give up are the only failures. "Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish." John Quincy Adams

What can you do to be more patient with yourself today? Take stock in your accomplishments. Create a list of what you have been able to do that is moving you toward your dream. Ask your dream partner to help you with this list, and then do the same for them. You may not have made $1 million, but who's life have you enriched? What help have you offered? How has your product or service blessed someone? If you are not already part of a support group of accountability partners, join one. They will help you stay on track.

If you are working toward your dream, you will get there. Be patient!

How to Be and Get Dream Partners for Success: Secret #12 Embrace your Uniqueness

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” Dr. Suess. My 12 year old daughter Noelle has a confidence about her that is unprecedented for her age. She decided that Fridays would be crazy high sock and converse tennis shoe day. She tried to solicit her friends to go along with her in this notion, but, they bailed on the idea and left her the only one in school wearing loud high socks and converse tennis shoes that first Friday of 7th grade. One popular kid came up to her and made a snide remark about her crazy look. Noelle simply told her that she must have missed the memo on how cool crazy socks and converse tennis shoes were, and walked away. The girl was stunned and even appeared embarrassed that her attempt to demean Noelle had failed. Noelle still wears crazy high socks and converse tennis shoes on Fridays. Some days she’s the only one, but no one gives her attitude about it.

When I was in school, there was so much pressure to be, act, talk and look like everyone else. I was so afraid that my uniqueness would not be accepted or loved. I did not share Noelle’s confidence in my uniqueness. Can you relate to that feeling, even today?

Your uniqueness is your power. It’s a combination of the gifts and talents, passions and values that are yours and yours alone. Learning how to harness your uniqueness is one of the true secrets of success. Encouraging others to embrace their uniqueness is an important job of the dream partner.

Ask yourselves these questions to get at your uniqueness factor: What do I offer that is special? What do people tell me that I bring to the table? What makes you most excited? Where do you get your energy? Look at both skills and talents when answering these questions. A talent is something that you are born with, and a skill is something that you learn. There is often a connection. I enjoy playing an instrument, (a skill) because it comes naturally for me, (a talent).

There may be hundreds of people doing what your dream would have you do. But only you will do it like you do. Communicating your uniqueness will help people to see you as different, better than the hundreds of others doing what you do. Embrace your uniqueness.

How to Be and Get Dream Partners for Success: Secret #11 Inspire Confidence

"A good leader inspires others with confidence in him; a great leader inspires them with confidence in themselves." Unknown. Have you ever seen someone else's greatness, but they just can't see it themselves?

My mom was a well known and respected real estate broker and business owner a few decades back. She was really really good at selling homes. When I was fresh out of college, my job was to be a real estate trainer for her real estate agency. I didn't know the first thing about real estate so I would follow my mother around and observe her in action. She was masterful. I was able to see her quickly pick up if there was a glimmer of excitement in a buyers eye when they walked into a house, or if they had no interest. If she detected a spark, she would walk into the room and stand at the exact angle that would show the room off in its best light. Then, she would begin placing their furniture in the room. "Oh, wouldn't your grand piano look wonderful in that corner? And can you see your large family portrait over that lovely fireplace? She knew how to emotionally engage her customer in the house that she knew was their house. She was a pro.

The odd thing was, she had no idea that she was doing any of that. I pointed it out and she would giggle and say; "I guess I do do that!" When you use your gifts and talents in a way that only you can, you are in a high performing zone. You may feel like you are in a zone, but you many not know why or even what you are doing to be there.

The key is, if you know what you are doing to be in that zone, then you can put yourself in the zone more often and on purpose.

If you want to be a dream partner for someone, give them the gift of pointing out their greatness when you see it. Let them know what you are impressed with about them, how they do things in a way that no one else can. It will inspire confidence that will propel them forward. Also, when someone points out something that you do that impresses them, take it in. It's important data for you to actually know your greatness. Not just that you have talent and gifts in a certain area, but exactly what you do that demonstrates them.

Take stock in your greatness today AND inspire confidence by pointing out someone else's greatness. Here’s a step to take in that direction. Call up your closest dream partner and ask them these questions:

What do you see me bringing to the table? What have you observed that I do that is really helpful, great, or unique? What do I do that I should do more often? THEN, do the same for them!

How to Be and Get Dream Partners for Success: Secret #10 Ask Great Questions

"Questions are diamonds you hold in the light. Study a lifetime and you see different colors from the same jewel. The same questions, asked again, bring you just the answers you need just the minute you need them." Richard Bach. Ask great questions.

If you truly want to be a dream partner, you will ask the hard questions; the deep questions. The questions that will move someone off the dime, get them moving, help them see something in a new and challenging way. Don't just ask what is your challenge? Ask how does that challenge impact your life? How does it get in your way? What is the cost of not fixing that challenge? Be the friend that tells the truth.

Asking the right questions in the right order can move mountains. What is the right order? Think of it as an onion. The outer layer is the basic question; What is your primary frustration? The next layer is about barriers; How does that get in your way? The next layer is emotional; How does that make you feel? The next is about cost: What do you lose by not fixing that problem? And the finally, ask: What are you willing to do about it? It is important to help people feel the pain first or they won't find the motivation within themselves to change.

As a dream partner, it is your job to move your partner forward. No one changes without having the pain of the present state being worse than the fear of the future. So, if you really want to help your partner, ask the tough questions.

Asking a question is only half the battle. Listening is just as important. Just being there to hear your dream partner answer the questions is huge. Then help them see the light. Whatever you do, don't leave them sitting with the pain. Help them see what one thing that they can do to move them self forward. So the next great question is; What is one thing you can do today that helps you feel more empowered? What is one thing that can move your forward? And then encourage them to take that step.

What is the one step that you can take to move forward?

How to Be and Get Dream Partners for Success: Secret #9 Give of Yourself

"We must give more in order to get more. It is the generous giving of ourselves that produces the generous harvest." Orison Swett Marden. Giving of yourself not only benefits others, it benefits you. Not only do you feel good because you have helped others, but you have deposited something in the other person's emotional bank account. Giving is good for your self esteem, your health, your overall well being and it makes you more likable. Paul Wiener sums it up nicely: "But few have spoken of the actual pleasure derived from giving to someone, from creating something, from finishing a task, from offering unexpected help almost invisibly and anonymously."

Do you want to partner with selfish people? I know I don't. In this 'what's in it for me' culture, many people are out of touch with the powerful principle of generosity. I meet a lot of women networking for the Redwood Sisterhood and I can tell right away when people are just wanting to see what they can get from the membership free. I can tell by the kinds of questions that they ask that they are not right for our community. They just want to take, take, take and never contribute anything for what they expect to receive. We live in an era of entitlement and it can make us distastefully selfish.

Don't you want to surround yourself with people who have a generosity of spirit about them? Be generous with your time, money, gifts and talents and you will cause generous people to want to come along side you. Dream partners are your cheerleaders, challengers, helpers and truth tellers. They become your unpaid sales force. But, you have to earn it. Just like the biblical principle of sowing and reaping, your actions determine the actions of others around you. Sow seeds of generosity and you will reap generous relationships. What would happen to this world if instead of asking 'what's in it for me?' people began to ask 'how can I help you?'

How to Be and Get Dream Partners for Success: Secret #8 Have a Clear Vision

"Without leaps of imagination, or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning." Gloria Steinem. Begin with a clear vision. Imagine yourself completely leading the ideal successful life. Here is my special exercise to help you get there.

Ten Minute Writing Exercise - Your Ideal Future Vision by Patty Sadallah

If you think you don't know what you want for the future, think again. Your subconscious knows more than you think. Ten minutes, a pen and a paper will act as a crystal ball for your ideal future in five years. Print these instructions do the exercise and then share your future surprises. It's fun and it works!

This is a nonstop writing exercise. The key to having this work is that you write NONSTOP for ten minutes. It is a stream of consciousness exercise that will awaken the creative right side of your brain. If you 'think' too much, it will NOT work. No one will read what you write, unless you want them too, of course. So, don't be self conscious about the letter itself.

When you are ready, put on an alarm for ten minutes. You will be writing a letter to someone that would be interested and supportive of your accomplishments. The letter will have a beginning, middle and end. Here are the steps of the exercise. You may want to print them so you can glance at them while you are doing the exercise.

Date the letter today's date. 5 years into the future. Dear.. (Whoever you want. This should be a person who knows what you are working on, but, isn't involved in it every day.)

2. You are writing about your ideal future day. It will have a Beginning, Middle and an End.

3. Beginning: Wake up and using all of your senses, notice what you see, smell, taste, touch and hear. This will awaken the creative side of your brain. Are you living in a new place? Driving a new car? Drinking coffee? New lover, more kids? Etc.

4. Middle: Next, you have your ideal day. What are you doing? Who's with you? Where are you? Are there special technologies that you see? A new place? New people? How do you KNOW that this is ideal? What is satisfying about it? Next, someone comes up to you and congratulates you on your amazing life and accomplishments. You thank them and they ask you "What was the biggest thing that you had to overcome to get to this point?" You answer them.

5. End: Then end your day with a celebration. You can celebrate any way you want, with anyone you want. This is just a fun way to close down the exercise.

I use this exercise in groups as well when I'm doing organizational strategic planning. People do the exercises together and then we talk about the common themes and patterns to create a common organizational vision. It works like a charm.

If you want help processing this exercise, email Patty and I'd be happy to help you with it.

How to Be and Get Dream Partners for Success: Secret #7 Face your Fears

"I gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which I must stop and look fear in the face... I say to myself, I've lived through this and can take the next thing that comes along...We must do the things we think we cannot do." Eleanor Roosevelt. There is plenty to be fearful about in this world today; sickness, the economy, global realities. Facing your fears is not the same as succumbing to them. To face your fears is to acknowledge them, take stock of them, grieve and analyze them, but never let them beat you. If you allow them, your fears will decrease your motivation, cause you to panic and maybe even paralyze you from acting at all. People will not want to partner with you or help you to succeed if they think that you are overcome by your fears. Why jump on a sinking ship?

Here are three things you can do today to face your fears. Ask yourself these questions: 1. How much of what I fear is inside and outside of my control? Write them on two columns. You may not have control over what will happen with your job, but you do have options to consider if that happens. You can't impact the 'outside your control' list, so spending too much emotional time there is unproductive. Acknowledge the column and then change your focus to the 'inside' list. Remember that your attitude is always in the 'inside' my control column. It may be hard, but look for that silver lining when things seem to be going badly. Try to make the 'inside my control' list longer than the 'outside of your control' list.

2. Is there a hidden opportunity in this fearful situation? Perhaps a book can be written, a course created, a product to help people going through the same thing can be produced. Every challenging situation is a learning opportunity. So, don't miss the opportunities because you are allowing yourself to be paralyzed by fears. When I think back on times in my life when something was happening that seemed so horrible in the moment, something better was right around the corner. It may be difficult to see that possibility now, but it's there if you look for it.

3. Will joining forces with someone else help both of you weather the storm? Now more than ever, it's time to find dream partners for success. Going it alone in this economy will only make your journey more difficult. Connect with trustworthy colleagues. Reach out your hand to help them and let them help you. Have an encouraging attitude and work through these questions together. There is synergy in collaboration.

Honor your fears, but don't let them take you down. If you are looking for dream partners, check out the Redwood Sisterhood. We are there to help you succeed especially through the scary times. What is one thing you can do to impact your circumstance today? Take that step.

How to Be and Get Dream Partners for Success: Secret #6 Promote your Values

"When you achieve complete congruence between your values and your goals, like a hand in a glove, you feel strong, happy, healthy, and fully integrated as a person. You develop a kind of courage that makes you completely unafraid to make decisions and take action. Your whole life improves when you begin living your life by the values that you most admire."Brian Tracy. Let people know who you are by communicating your values. Allow them to become the guiding values of your goals in work and life. Integrate them into everything that you do and then watch the power that will come into your life.

Here is an exercise that our mini mastermind did just last week: Brainstorm a list of values that are really important to you. Then, prioritize the top three that really guide your life and work. Look at those three values and begin to see ways to communicate them to your customers and potential dream partners. Weave them into your website copy, email copy, blog posts, facebook,linkedin and twitter posts. Talk about them in conversations with co-workers, customers and colleagues. Soon, people will see you as these values and want to connect with you because of them.

This is the reason for this series on dream partners. I want to share, through these posts, who I am and who I am looking for to be part of the Redwood Sisterhood. I hope that you will check out our community if you have something of value to share with women and are in need of high quality dream partners to become your support system and word of mouth sales force. :)

How to Be and Get Dream Partners for Success: Secret #5 See Opportunities not Obstacles

"A pessimist is one who makes difficulties of his opportunities and an optimist is one who makes opportunities of his difficulties." ~Harry Truman. Before opening the Redwood Sisterhood, I was in a job that I didn't enjoy. I was not challenged and wasn't really using my gifts and talents to my satisfaction. But, that job was a gift to me in so many ways. It gave me the opportunity to really take stock in my dreams. So, I left that job and opened the Redwood Sisterhood.

It hasn't been easy to have a new business in this economy. But, even the challenges and the many learning curves of a new venture have been opportunities. Technical glitches that felt devastating in the moment, were actually opportunities to fine tune the process and improve the customers' experience. I believe that if things are too easy, there is a danger in slipping into mediocrity. Every obstacle is an opportunity to learn something and improve.

If you want to be a good dream partner for someone else and want to attract dream partners for yourself, put on the lens of opportunity. When a partner comes along and is devastated by a problem or challenge, be the one who helps them see the silver lining. Pull them out of the negative place so that they can begin to climb out into the light of opportunity. Hopefully, you will be modeling that behavior for them too, so that when you are in a dark place, they can do the same for you. In every tough situation, pause and ask; What can I learn here? How can this challenge lead me to an opportunity?

How to be and get dream partners for success: Secret #4 Think Big http://bit.ly/xpW0Z

How to Be and Get Dream Partners for Success: Secret #4 Think Big

"Preconceived notions are the locks on the door to wisdom." Merry Browne . What is the glass ceiling of your mind? What is the highest achievement that you can imagine for yourself? For some the measure is money related. They imagine themselves making six figures while others image seven. For others, the ceiling is related to a job or role title. They just see themselves as working on the line, never daring to jump up a level of management. As Henry Ford once said; "If you think you can do a thing or think you can't do a thing, you're right."

So, what is your mental glass ceiling? Do you have a picture of it in your mind? OK. now imagine yourself raising that bar . I am not a money motivated person. So, it was hard for me, with my nonprofit service heart, to think like a for profit business women at first. But, the truth is, I can serve more people if the business is more successful, so I raised my glass ceiling. The view is completely different up there.

Dream partners want to know that the people that they are buying from or joint venturing with have big goals. There are plenty of obstacles to success these days, don't let your mind be one of them.

How to Be and Get Dream Partners for Success: Secret #3 Invest in Yourself

"The most expensive piece of real estate is the six inches between your right and left ear. It’s what you create in that area that determines your wealth. We are only really limited by our mind." -Dolf de Roos. What will it take for you to acheive your dream? Will it take a few classes or a higher education? Maybe it will take thinking outside the box, or taking a huge risk.

I like to partner with people who love to learn and challenge themselves all the time. There is creativity and excitement in learning. If you are not learning, you aren't growing and in this day and age, can you really afford not to be growing? I have found that the learning curves of trying to figure out everything I need to do for my business are mountainous. You can go the free route and it will get you a little ways on your journey, but honestly, those learning curves climbing that mountain can really be exhausting.

Why do I invest in myself? Because as they say on the L'Oreal commercials, I'm worth it. Thankfully, the Redwood Sisterhood offers the opportunities to learn and get support of other amazing women. Invest in yourself and others will want to invest in you. Are you worth your own investment?

How to Be and Get Dream Partners for Success: Secret #2 Work Hard for What you Want

"Apply yourself. Get all the education you can, but then, by God, do something. Don't just stand there, make it happen." Lee Iacocca. There are actually two secrets in todays post: the first is to know what you want and the second is to work hard to get it. Successful people are very clear about what they want and day by day they work toward it. Part of knowing what you want is knowing who you are. Your dream is an extention of you. Your ideal client is a reflection of you. What would you want to do if you knew you couldn't fail? Who do you see yourself being in the future? A CEO? A small business owner? An inventor? A published author? Retired at a young age?

Remember when you were in school and got in a school project with a partner or a team. Invariably, I was the one that got stuck doing all the work. I would pray that the next time there was a partner opportunity, I could find someone who would do their part. Nothing is more frustrating than being paired with someone who doesn't pull their weight. You have to want your dream enough to really work for it. Not all of the work that it takes to make it is fun. Do it anyway. Nothing frustrates me more as an executive coach or organization development consultant than hearing someone say that they want something and then they don't work for it.

I want to partner with hard workers and so do you. If you know exactly what your gifts, talents, services and contributions can be to another person's dream and you are willing to share them, you make it easy for them to want you to come along side you as a dream partner.

Do you know what you want? Are you a hard worker?

How to Be and Get Dream Partners for Success: Secret #1 - Be a Person of Integrity

"To reach great heights, a person needs to have great depth." (Anonomous) When someone becomes your dream partner, they choose to actively help you to acheive success. They become your informal sales force and, done properly, you become theirs. The right person's word of mouth can be just enough to take you to epidemic levels of success. If I plan to endorse you to my friends, family, colleagues and Redwood Sisters, I want to know that you are worthy of that endorsement. So, first and foremost, you better have integrity. The definition of integrity is: steadfast adherence to a strict moral or ethical code. Honesty, trustworthiness, reliability, generosity, service mindedness, helpfulness; these are some of the values that I like to see displayed in the behaviors of potential dream partners.

If you say that you will do something or be somewhere at a certain time. Do it, be there. If you promise something, deliver the highest quality promised deliverable that you can. As a dream partner catalyst, I am looking for quality over quantity. If I am going to come alongside you in your dream and have you come along side me in mine, we both need to know each of us is worth the investment. Don't tell me you are reliable, be reliable. Don't say that you have a high quality service, show me that you have a high quality service.

Two of my dream partners jump to mind as living this philosophy. I can count on Lisa and Maia to do what they promise, be there to tell me the truth, push me lovingly and always give more than I ever expect them to give. I am the same way to them and to all of my dream partners. No one will want to be your dream partner if you aren't worthy. Are you a person of integrity?

"If I could solve all the problems myself, I would." Thomas Edison Hmn, maybe that's why we should get help from others.

"Trust that little voice in your head that says "Wouldn't it be interesting if..."; And then do it." Duane Michals

"Dreams are illustrations... from the book your soul is writing about you." Marsha Norman

"A good leader inspires others with confidence in him; a great leader inspires them with confidence in themselves." Unknown

"To work in the world lovingly means that we are defining what we will be for, rather than reacting to what we are against." C. Baldwin

"Opportunity is often difficult to recognize; we usually expect it to beckon us with beepers and billboards." Unknown.

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"Hold fast to dreams for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly." Langston Hughes

"Blessed is the leader who seeks the best for those he serves."Unknown

"Never mistake knowledge for wisdom. One helps you make a living, the other helps you make a life." Sandra Carey

"Communication leads to community, that is, to understanding, intimacy and mutual valuing." Rollo May

"They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel." Carl W. Buechner

"To love what you do and feel that it matters—how could anything be more fun?"Katherine Graham

"Some people change when they see the light, others when they feel the heat." Caroline Schoeder

"Hold fast to dreams for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly. Langston Hughes

"The brain gives the heart its sight. The heart gives the brain its vision."Kall

"Imagination is the highest kite one can fly." Lauren Bacall

"To love what you do and feel that it matters—how could anything be more fun?" Katherine Graham

"Listening is an attitude of the heart, a genuine desire to be with another which both attracts and heals." J. Isham

Here are some helpful tips for creating an effective squeeze page. http://bit.ly/1abh97

"Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart ... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens."-Carl Jung

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall."- Confucius

Check out this cool article. Business Networking in the 21st Century for Men and Women. http://ping.fm/1wjiz

"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." -Thomas Edison

"Blessed is the leader who seeks the best for those he or she serves."-Unknown

"To work in the world lovingly means that we are defining what we will be for, rather than reacting to what we are against." Chris Baldwin

"Hold yourself responsible for a higher standard than anybody expects of you. Never excuse yourself."- Henry Ward Beecher

Redwood Sisterhood has a brand new amazon bookstore. How cool is this! Amazon books AND book nugget summaries! http://ping.fm/J9coZ

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched- they must be felt with the heart."- Helen Keller

"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly;what is essentially invisible to the eye."-Antoine De Saint-Exupery

"It is one of the most beautiful compensations in life, that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself." Ralph W.E.

"After the verb 'to love', 'to help' is the most beautiful verb in the world."- Bertha von Suttner

"I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand."- Confucius

"The mind has exactly the same power as the hands;not merely to grasp the world, but to change it."-Collin Wilson

Check out the press release about the Leadership Anatomy Women's Retreat and get a free podcast. http://bit.ly/5pT2q

Redwood Sisterhood to host Leadership Anatomy Women's Retreat in wine country in November http://bit.ly/oEygx Join us and pass it on!

"None of us knows what the next change is going to be, what unexpected opportunity is around the corner, waiting a few months or a few years to change the tenor of our lives."-Kathleen Norris

"If we don't change, we don't grow. If we aren't growing, we aren't really living."- Gail Sheely

Did you know that if you can't come to our women's retreat in Nov. You can still earn $100 for referring someone who does? psadallah@aol.com

Great article about personal vs professional development. Ladies, we have a responsibility to keep learning! http://bit.ly/16MJrX

"Listen, or thy tongue will keep thee deaf" -American Indian Proverb

"The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and doesn't stop until you get to the office." Robert Frost

"The mind has exactly the same power as the hands; not mearly to grasp the world, but to change it." Collin Wilson

How Flexible is your Leadership Neck?

Necks turn left, right, up, and down, but they don't spend a lot of time
looking back. How stiff or flexible is your leadership neck? At the turn of the 20th century, information was doubling every 20 years. Now, information is doubling every 20 days. With the advances of the internet and technology, information is coming at us at lightening speed, flexibility is one of the key needs and skills of an excellent leader.

Flexibility is demonstrated by the ability to let go of old actions, beliefs, patterns and services and move toward new ones that better meet the identified needs of your stakeholders. In Spencer Johnson Book, Who Moved My Cheese, the short story parable about mice and little people who are searching for cheese in a maze, the characters learn interesting lessons about change. One of the little people writes his learning's on the wall of the maze. Two of my favorite learning's on the wall are: Movement in a new direction leads you to new cheese. And, Old beliefs do not lead you to new cheese.


Flexibility is not just a nice skill to have, it's a survival skill. Leaders need to be open to options when problem solving or opportunity seeking to stay ahead of the curve. We will be working the issue of flexibility, the neck of a leader, in the Redwood Sisterhood's upcoming Leadership Anatomy Women's Retreat November 18-22, 2009 in the Sonoma Valley of California. Check our the retreat information HERE and also check out our Leadership Anatomy 101 Summary podcast by clicking HERE.

Do you have the Guts of a Leader?

What courageous act of daring do will you face today as a woman leader? Will you have to give someone negative feedback or a bad performance review? Will you have to share some bad news to your employees or subordinates? Will you have to tell your boss something they don't want to hear? Will you have to take responsibility for someone else's mistake, because you are the boss? Will you have to humble yourself to a customer because you failed to meet their expectations?

It is scary to be a woman leader today. It really takes courage to communicate bad news, give someone feedback that they may not want to hear or take responsibility and all the hits that come with it.

"Life is sad, believe me Missy,

When you're born to be a sissy,

without the vim and verve"

(From the wise lyrics sung by the Cowardly Lion from the Wizard of Oz)

The mark of a truly great leader is courage. Think about the leader that you most respect and I bet they showed courage under fire. They didn't back away from tough conversations, or delegate the job of sending bad news. No, they took responsibility, and responsibility takes guts.

Eight to eighteen amazing women will be working on their bravery as we delve into the 'stomach' of a leader on the third day of our four day Leadership Anatomy Retreat for Women, November 18-22, 2009 in the Sonoma Valley of California. Will you have the courage to be one of them?

The Importance of Getting Away

Ladies, it is so important to get away to reflect, connect and recharge your battery. Most of us just don't take the time to pause. We are so busy with the business of our multiple roles, day after day, year after year, and we can lose track of our goals and dreams.

No worries...

Nestled high on a Redwood tree ridge, the Alexander Valley Lodge offers panoramic views of the Russian River, Geyser Peak, Mt. St. Helena and the beautiful vineyards of Alexander Valley. Centrally located in Sonoma Wine Country and just minutes from the Alexander, Dry Creek, and Russian River Valley wineries, the Alexander Valley Lodge is the perfect site for privacy, beauty and relaxation. Ahhhhhh...

That's where we will spend Wednesday afternoon night to Sunday morning for our Leadership Anatomy Women's Retreat November 18-22, 2009. Patty Sadallah, President and Founder of the Redwood Sisterhood (that's me) brings 28 years of experience in coaching and facilitation to this retreat. We'll be looking at body parts as metaphors for outstanding leadership while we enjoy the fellowship of amazing women, challenge our own thinking and enjoy local vineyards and beautiful surroundings.

Wednesday night, we'll get to know eachother and play a fun whole body metaphor exercise to get us rolling. Thursday we'll explore the 'Outside Leader Self' which includes the face that you present to the outside world; the eyes of a visionary, mouth as the voice of the organization and the ears that hear the trends and patterns in your field or industry. Friday we'll address the "Inside Leader self' that will address the roles and responsibilities of leading within the organization. We will cover the shoulders that bear responsibility within an organzation, the stomach or guts that have courage to lead, and the feet that walk the talk. Saturday, you will bring your personal case and challenge to the women and get feedback in an interactive peer coaching intervention. Sunday we'll close down our experience in a profound and memorable way.

Join us! REGISTER before Sept. 14, 2009!!!

Check out the location at http://www.alexandervalleylodge.com/

You Don't Need a Crystal Ball

Can anyone really see the future? No one knows for sure what will happen in the future, but, the present holds a surprising amount of clues about the future if we pause to take notice. The secret to seeing a glimpse of the future is observing patterns and trends in the present.



In the year 2025, there will be more retired baby boomers than people in the workforce. This is a statistical reality. Our parents had more children than people are having now. This demographic sign alone will affect jobs, lifestyles, and the economy. Predictably, cruise lines, drug stores, vitamin supplements and assisted living facilities will see an increase in sales. But, not all of those seniors can live in assisted living facilities, so there may be opportunities for residential elevators and escalators, in-law suite additions, or we may see hotels and motels being turned into senior living facilities. There are a variety of possibilities that will be needed to address this reality.



Our present day concern for the environment will see an increase in alternative fuels, green building, recycling and other more efficient uses of resources. Our expectation of immediate information won't lesson. So, expect faster, smarter communication devices to be making our lives more and more comfortable. What present day clues will affect you, your job, industry, market and life in general in the future?



Leaders have a responsibility to themselves and their organizations to see the future in the present. Knowing your own industry trends, as well as how national and global issues effect your organization and it's market is part of the job. Poor leaders forget this and can be blown in the wind of change and then act like it came out of nowhere.



Get in on this discussion at our next Blog Talk Radio show of Leadership Anatomy 101 in which we will discuss the Eyes of a Leader. The show is live Thursday, July 2, 2009 from 1:00PM-2:00PM. We'll talk about what do you tend to see and not see, your ideal future vision and how to make it a reality, and more about seeing the future in the present. Click the Blog Talk link in this post to set a reminder. Hope to SEE you then.

Leveraging Other People's Skills through Community Bartering

The rich get richer by leveraging other people's money. Not rich? Here is the good news: Women can get help and succeed in these tough economic times by leveraging other people's skills through time banking, a community bartering program at the Redwood Sisterhood.


Starting or keeping a small business alive in 2009 is tough work. How successful would you and your business be if you had expert help with strategic planning, marketing and public relations, search engine optimization, social networking, financing, legal, copy writing, ...etc. You may be strong in some of these areas, but who can be an expert in every area? Most start-up business owners just don't have the cash to pay for help in all of those areas?

Since most of us can't afford all of that help, we do without; spinning our wheels, reinventing the wheel, taking one step forward and three steps back, (the metaphors can go on forever on this one). Even though we muddle through and learn something new each day, one thing is certain, we can't do it alone, and most of us can't afford to buy the help. Time banking can help!

Time Banking Assumptions

• We all have the same 24 hours in a day,


• We all have different gifts, talents and skills that we can use to help others,


• We all need some services for which we are not experts and for which we cannot afford,


• Time can be a currency in and of itself without money values attached to it.
  

How does Time Banking Work?

Redwood Sisterhood Exclusive Access members receive 'time dollars' for either participating in Redwood Sisterhood activities, or for sharing their expertise with others within the community. One hour of time equals one time dollar. These time dollars can be banked and spent on any service offered by any member within the nationwide community.

How is Time Banking different than Regular Bartering?

Time Banking is completely tax free because no money values are attached to time, and exchanges occur within the community and not between two parties. You cannot exchange time for something other than time. So, services need to be defined in time hours and not end product deliverables. For example, a strategic plan document is not the deliverable, but the consultation time to help you to get a strategic plan could be purchased with time dollars.

TIME is of the Essence

There is no time to lose. You can be getting and giving help within an amazing community of women now. Join the Redwood Sisterhood Today as an Exclusive Access Member and you can be saving money and getting the help that you need from experts nationwide. Click HERE for more information about the other benefits of Redwood Sisterhood community. Join before July 31, 2009 and save $100 on membership. 'Together we grow Stronger'